You have heard people ask the question, "what would you do if you knew you would not fail?"
It's a good question - I like it a lot and I'd like to propose a slightly new version that calls for a bit more bravery.
- What are you too chicken to do right now?
- What do you really want to say to someone?
- What leap into the unknown are you resisting?
I have a friend who is ignoring an important issue with her husband. When we had coffee last week, she shared that they have not been intimate in a long time and they never talk about it. Things are fine between them - no fights, they enjoy time together - but the intimacy is gone.
They have gotten so far down a hole and she doesn't not know how to get back. My friend says it has been so long that she does not even know how to bring up the topic or how to initiate intimacy without feeling really weird.
You fellas out there are probably wondering why this is the topic of a coffee chat....well it is, and we girls often talk about such stuff to help each other figure things out.
So back to my questions. For my friend,
- What are you too chicken to do right now? She's too chicken to be the one to initiate intimacy.
- What do you really want to say to someone? She apparently has almost talked about this many times, but could never find the right words. And she's a bit afraid of what her husband will think or say.
- What leap into the unknown are you resisting? The unknown is what the next phase of their relationship can and will look like.
I'm no Dr. Phil and I don't pretend to offer marriage coaching. That said, I have the following observations:
1. Get real about the risk of being open. My friend has a good relationship with her man and nothing bad is going to come from moving past the awkward moments. And chances are, those moments will be brief. She does not need to find the "right" words - she just needs to talk.
2. Get real about the risk of continuing as is. I guess it's possible that this can continue with no other affects to the marriage, but the fact that she needed to talk about it tells me that this statemate is getting in the way. It's taking up mental space and causing some weirdness.
3. Get it over with (I don't mean that how it sounds). Just think of the pressure that will be lifted from your marriage when this is no longer an issue (I don't mean that how it sounds).
Here's the new question:
What would you do today if you could fully summons your bravery? It only takes about 2 minutes of bravery (not what I mean) to make a difference in situations where awkwardness reigns. In this case, matters of intimacy.
But the same goes for communication breakdowns with co-workers, bosses, and family members.
You only need to be really brave for a couple minutes. This, you can do. Go get 'em.