FAT and Our Personal Best

I'd like to start a real, open AND respectful written dialogue about fat, corporate success, and our personal best.

Note: I am using the term "fat" to mean significantly overweight. I am not using that term to offend anyone. I have some weight to lose and would include myself in this category. I prefer it over words like overweight or obese. That's my choice, and I apologize if you would prefer I use another word. To me, the opposite of fat is fit. I will use the terms "fat people" and "fit people."

Let's get real about being fat. There are many talented and successful people who are also fat. I am pretty darned successful and I am fat. There are many unsuccessful fat people. And there are loads of both unsuccessful and successful fit people. I think anything is possible regardless of weight. We are not defined by whether we are fat.

And yet I wonder if fat people can ever approach being or doing their best work while fat? They might be successful, regarded as geniuses, or given awards for outstanding work - but can they ever do and be their personal best?

My gut feel is absolutely not. And I don't think this because of how society judges fat people. Sure, people make judgments and some view fat people as less worthy of respect. That said, I think the greatest barriers that a fat person faces is judgments and assumptions he or she makes about his or herself.

Like many things in life, I think our self-perceptions become our greatest barriers to optimal success.

If you are tracking with me so far, you might be thinking, sure, that sounds logical. What's new or useful about that? I am not sure there is anything new or useful. I'm just thinking out loud here.

I have a notion that this is really a big deal for fat people. If you are fat, think about this with me. We are amazing people who are capable of having tremendous impact in this world. Many of us are making a big impact right now. Doesn’t the mental garbage that comes with being fat get in the way? Please don’t tell me there is not mental garbage – I would challenge ANYONE who says they have no mental garbage.

I am not saying all this to make anyone feel bad or less hopeful. On the contrary, I see this as a statement of great hope and opportunity. What if this were not a barrier? What if you weren’t hampered by this extra mental garbage?

Sure, other things cause mental garbage (there are dozens of possible insecurities), but I would venture to guess that most neuroses don’t come close to the almost always-on mental garbage that comes with being fat. It comes up in so many ways and times. Yes, this is self-inflicted crud, but it is also normal and human because no matter how much we say we don’t, we do care. We care what people think and we care about how we look. And we care about the people who are sitting next to us on a plane. And we care about the amount of space we take up in a restaurant booth. And we care about whether we look professional and how well we represent our companies. And we care about how we feel and we care about our loved ones. And we care about whether our coworkers have to walk at a slower pace when walking with us to get a bite for lunch. And we care about whether meeting room chairs will accommodate us. And we care about whether we can participate in fun company functions. And we can about so many little things that fit people do not think about.

This whole topic is really coming to the fore for me because of a few recent events.

1. I have been struggling to lose weight for a long time and my mental crud is getting mighty deep (all while building my business and feeling otherwise very successful). This frustration is getting stronger because I need to be training for a 3-week active trip that Bill and I are taking to New Zealand in December. I am really looking forward to it and am hell-bent on being ready and feeling strong.

2. I recently when for a health screening – Lifeline Screening. I got tested because one part of the examination helps determine your risk of stroke and since my mother recently died of a stroke, I am sensitized to my potential familial risk. During the imaging of my neck arteries, the technician picked up that my thyroid is enlarged. My doctor confirmed that I have a thyroid nodule and now I am undergoing tests. I am somewhat pissed at myself for not finding this sooner, but am also glad we have. If I need treatment, I hope it will start after an official MRI, which is scheduled in one month (wish I did not have to wait so long).

3. While I need to catalyze a breakthrough relative to my own personal best and being fat, I am also interested in helping others realize a breakthrough in this area. Not sure what that looks like right now, but am thinking about it.

What I am about to write will not likely be a popular and might even anger some, but here goes:

Many people have the perception that fat people lack control and discipline. Setting aside the small percentage of people with untreatable medical conditions, I, too, hold this belief. Whatever our reasons for being fat – even if made more difficult by physical ailments – at the root of it is a lack of control and discipline. We are choosing to be fat and to remain fat every day. We really are. Yes, there might be real psychological issues at bay, I acknowledge this. The vast majority of us have choices and make choices every day.

And in doing so, we are choosing to reduce our impact in this world.

That said, I am not suggesting this become a valid way to judge someone. The best candidate for the promotion or the most charming and inspiring conference speaker might also be fat. This notion, this belief, is something that is useful only for ourselves. If I know that I lack control - if I can acknowledge it and see it - I can better address it and choose an alternative way of being.

Whatever we can do - however we might affect others - imagine what’s possible when we set aside the Gibraltar sized rock of mental crud on our way to becoming fit.

I don't want to continue this conversation like it's a problem that needs to be fixed. It's a possibility. If we used appreciative inquiry to create an amazing vision of the future, what would it look like and how living in alignment with this vision look on a daily basis?

We are already wonderful and great. What’s our potential? What’s possible? That’s the real question.

And just like the mental crud that accompanies being fat, I bet that that the mental energy we get from being and becoming fit is phenomenal. A formerly fat now fit person is a formidable force. (Say that sentence aloud fast three times…no really…it might help)

This post is way too long. I need to take a breather and think about this some more. I would love to hear your thoughts even if you think I am full of bologna or way off base.

Comments

[Barfield]

Yes, No, maybe, partly i dont know.
I just read it again.

Yes for some fat people losing weight, getting fitter helps them to reach their personal goals.

Being overweight is dangerous to your health, if it gets so serious that you cant do normal day life things (walking stairs, running to catch a train/plane) things get bad.

The problem with this is where do you draw the line. Depending on peoples wieght you are actually judging people.

Whats next, religion, smokers/non smokers, hair color, skin color. Judging people based on their appearance is bad.

You do however got a point with:

"We are already wonderful and great. What’s our potential? What’s possible? That’s the real question."

Carying a lot of mental crud is a problem for everyone of us. It isnt just about being fat, is shouldnt be a reason not to be the person you want to be.

In conclusion I would like to warn againt judging people on their appearances.

And yes I'm slightly overweight.
I'm also from an european country.

[Linda]

Lisa,
I'm with you so far. I admit to prejudging someone fat and thinking, "why doesn't he/she do something about it. He/she is so smart otherwise."
I,too,would like to dissolve 15 pounds and, when I am around fit people, feel that I am inferior to them, even though I swim daily, workout several times a week, play golf (walking) twice a week and eat an extremely healthy diet.
I'm eager for your next post after your breather!

[Dan Hill]

Like it or not people make judgements quickly and they can only obey what they know to be true to make those judgements.

Body weight should absolutely be more of a measure than ethnic background when making these prejudgements. Why? Because I can do something about my weight. In majority of cases, your weight is your choice. Sure, there's a shed load of baggage that prompts that choice.

What can I do about my ethnicity? Not a thing.
What about my weight? Less pies, more fruit. Less TV, more activity.

[Lisa Haneberg]

Barfield - Thanks for your comment. My intent with this first dialogue is to put this issue out there and talk about personal best. I am not advocating that we find it acceptable to make incorrect assumptions about fat people. The key message is that the mental crud we have, as fat people, is holding us back from our personal best.

Sure there are many things that hold us back from realizing our potential, and being fat is a big one.

Some people might lose the weight and not move toward their personal best. But the process and success of losing weight can be a powerful catalyst I think.

For better, worse, true, false, correct, incorrect, we are all judged by our appearance. And (the more important point, I think) we judge ourselves based on our appearance.

[Lisa Haneberg]

Linda - it is interesting that with only 15 extra pounds you say you have some mental crud about your weight.

Dan - yes there are many other aspects of our being that we cannot do much about ethnicity and gender being the most obvious. I also see these things as being different because being fat is, again except for a tiny portion of the population, a state of being out of balance with nature. We all have different shapes and sizes, and there is a highly tuned state that can each achieve.

I recall hearing Keith Ferrazzi speak and he talked about how being highly tuned was a priority for him. His staff works to find places that offer him healthy meals in advance of his travels. We don't all have paid staff to do this, but the notion of being committed to being tuned is interesting.

[Astha]

Haven't had the guts to write it. Kudos Lisa- for putting this out there!

And I think the big thing, like Dan said, is not judging ourselves.

Recently I heard someone say- 'I have a perfectly nice shape, it's round'

That's stuck with me. Because it says that people come in different shapes and sizes. And each of these varying shapes carries an equally unique and valuable 'person'.

Confession: There have been days when I've thought- now if I were just 15 pounds lesser, life would be perfect.

So obviously, my beliefs and my thoughts are not perfectly congruent. As long as I have the discipline to exercise everyday and eat healthy- I should feel good! Who cares about what the next person thinks! (More often than not- the next person's too busy wondering what others think of him or her, anyways!)

[Lisa Haneberg]

Astha - Thanks for the comment.

I fear that I am not communicating clearly. I do think the situation is a bit different for people who are significantly overweight.

Let's not kid ourselves, we ARE judging ourselves all the time. And I am not so sure that is always bad. Dissonance is often a catalyst for change.

But here is my deeper point that I am not sure how to best communicate. I am asserting that I think that whether we admit it or not, we seriously hamper our ability to perform near our potential. I am saying that even highly successful fat people are losing time and energy because of the internal drama that comes with being fat. Even kings and CEOs have this drama and that when we are living in the drama, we have fewer mental and physical resources available to use to be our best.

I am not suggesting this so that others can judge us. I am opening up this conversation for our own use.

They say that for change to occur, we have to feel that the change is less painful that to stay the same. I am not sure this is the only formula for change, but it is certainly one way to look at it. I also feel that a compelling and amazing vision of what's possible can motivate sustained change.

Sometimes we don't realize how much energy we have wrapped up in a part of our lives.

I am a firm believer that we can choose our inner dialogue too. That said, it will take the average fat person a lot of energy to redirect the constant barrage of messages that remind him or her that he or she is fat - that his or her body is out of balance and needs to be tuned. Again, energy lost.

I would put most people with under 20 pounds of excess weight in the "fit people" category. Like you wrote, if you exercise and take care of yourself, you are likely pretty fit.

This is a conversation about what's possible and I would like people to look at this from a personal perspective - not outward about whether it is appropriate to judge people because they are fat.

Power lies in looking in to see how much drama there is and having the power to make choices about that.

I like all these comments because they are helping me process through my thoughts better - thanks!

[Timothy Johnson]

Lisa - thanks for pouring your heart out like this... it is a challenging issue. And you hit the core issue very well... everything is intertwined and interdependent... our fitness, our self-perceptions, and our mental-crud. Personally, I do the roller-coaster ride throughout the year. In February and March, I'm at my highest weight and my lowest esteem and energy. In August and September, I'm at my lowest weight and my highest esteem and energy. There are definitely correlations. But this is one of those senstive topics that can sit in the middle of the room like the proverbial elephant. Thanks to you (and others) who shared thoughts... a lot to process and think about (in a good way)... and glad I'm not alone in these thoughts. (And if you're bogged down in "mental crud" your site doesn't show it... you have some incredibly positive material out here... will be adding you to my blog roll.)

[Lisa Haneberg]

Timothy - thanks for your comments and observations.

I think many people are both knee deep in crud and very positive and successful. And yet, imagine if the crud were not there.....

[T]

Lisa, re: I think many people are both knee deep in crud and very positive and successful. And yet, imagine if the crud were not there.....

They are who they are and what they are, and those people are living their lives. Don't ever think that no one else has gone through what you have. Allow yourself to grieve (you always will...it does get easier but then there are times...allow yourself to feel those times).

Being fat; being too skinny (po' as they used to say in the South); whatever it is, we always want something else. As a "husky" child I wanted to be thin. Grew up quite top heavy with big feet and never was the "average" weight: I would have toppled over!!! And had big feet!

Lisa, please please...try not to regret the past ...don't fear the future...and do not ignore the present. Be grateful for the time you had with your Mother and with anyone you value in your life. Lots of people are not so lucky. And besides: you could slip on a banana peel and that could be it! Life is too short to not enjoy most of it...and when there's crud, just realize that it will go away eventually too.

Thank you; by sharing your grief I was able to acknowledge mine. Today was kind of hard.

Bless you and I am sending positive vibes of support to you and yours...

T

[Lisa Haneberg]

T - Thanks for your kind thoughts, but this particular post is not about my mother or grief. I am not regretting the past or fearing the future. And although I agree with you that many people have a "grass is greener" perspective about many things, that's not my driving force for this post and perspective.

We are who we are in this moment, sure. And who we will be in the next moment is influenced by our values, goals, and actions. I may not have been as clear as I would have liked, but this is really the focus of my thoughts and post - seeing possibility and being inspired and motivated by it. Acknowledging barriers that are preventing us from performing at our best and obliterating them.

[Astha]

I think what you're saying is so different from the general- 'let's not discriminate; let's be accepting'- that its taking a while to sink in.

I think what you're saying is that there is value in our inner dialogue over our self-perception, our judgments about ourselves. And if we are to change for the better we should harness the dissonance between what we are and what we want to be. Even if what we 'want to be' is shrouded by stereotypical notions.

Tell me, if I'm still off the mark.