Be Happy... Or else

I like this post from pal Terry Starbucker called, Clearing the Last Hurdle to Happiness. Check it out. Here is a snippet:

I wonder how many people in this world are truly happy, and I find it hard to really come up with a good estimate. It’s hard to tell just by observing all the people who cross my path every day, and time doesn’t allow me to step up to every one of them and ask “hey, are you happy?” (imagine if a stranger walked up to you and asked that question - would you answer?).

It is a good question and I like how Terry processes it in this post. Here's another question I have. Why, when we can choose any level of happiness, do so many of us choose something less - often much less - than bliss?  Most of us - most of you reading this blog - lived truly charmed lives. And yet we choose other emotions like sadness, frustration, envy, disappointment.

I don't remember where, but I remember seeing a study that said there was very little correlation between money and happiness once one is past covering for basic needs of food, safety, and health.

Terry offers up the option that some of us feel something other than happy because deep down inside we don't feel we deserve to be happy. Perhaps. I think that we learn to be dissatisfied from a young age. If we are truly content, after all, what will motivate us? Our parents and teachers have taught us well when it comes to the virtues of unhappiness.

And this can be a vicious cycle, too. Right now, I am not so happy because I have taken on too much work, when I do not need to and I cannot meet my goals regarding health and non-business writing. So it is my EXCESS work (or EXCESS success) that is causing me pain now. How crazy is that! And you know what, it is all in my control.

So, thanks, Terry, I am enjoying a moment of peace tonight and will ponder how to love (and change, if needed) the abundant life I have created.

There was a great article in National Geographic about Bhutan this month. We were attracted to this issue because we are going to Bhutan in November. As you know, Bhutan is known for their Gross National Happiness. Check out this great feature article that talks about how they continue to explore and struggle with decisions about how to balance tradition with progress.

Perhaps a nice Monday mantra is in order (speak and repeat as neccessary):

I live a charmed life. I am lucky and at peace with my circumstances. Life is good and I am happy.

Comments

[Shamelle @ Enhance Life]

In the TV series Heroes, it was said that "sometimes questions are more powerful than answers", and Terry's questions really fit into that territory!

[Michelle Malay Carter]

Hi Lisa,

An intriguing post. Thank you. I agree with what you are saying and want to approach one idea in a different way.

You said: "Most of us - most of you reading this blog - lived truly charmed lives. And yet we choose other emotions like sadness, frustration, envy, disappointment."

I believe don't choose my feelings; they simply bubble up. My upbringing taught me that when an ugly emotion bubbled up (greed, envy, vengefulness) that I was a bad person so I should deny it and shove it out of my mind. This created shame and forced me to try to suppress my feelings. When you put your energy toward suppressing a feeling, that energy is not free to be given somewhere else. And your energy is transferred to the very feeling you don't want. It "empowers" it even more.

What have learned is that when I have a dark feeling, I can acknowledge the feeling as a normal part of being human. It doesn't mean I'm flawed or bad, just human. But here is where the choice point comes in. When these dark feelings emerge, I can direct my mind to the light, perhaps, by focusing on gratitude and the blessings I have, or I can wallow around in the feeling and have it heighten.

Also as part of the acknowledgement process, after I have weathered the storm of the emotion, I am now able to ask myself why those feelings bubbled up on the first place. I can use dark feelings pointers to some unhealthy core belief or point of brokenness that desires to be healed.

However, if I believe ugly feelings mean I am a bad person , then I must deny them (in order to be a good person) and that denies me the opportunity to work on the core issue. This is an insidious process.

When I meet dark feelings with curiosity, they become tools. When I wage a battle against them, they become energy zappers.

I don't get to choose my feelings, but I do get to choose what I do with them.

Regards,

Michelle Malay Carter

[Julie, writer Surefirewealth.com]

At this point in my life, I'm pretty happy with what I have. This is in terms of professional, personal and academic. But I'm not exactly contented either because I have a lot of dreams and ideas that remain untouched. There are people out there who nitpick on what should make us happy. I don't really follow them. Maybe we're all happy people. Just different types of happy.

[Terry Starbucker]

Hi Lisa! (sorry about the delay in responding; I'm in CO and MT this week). Thanks for the link, and you are quite welcome - it does sound like you could certainly use more of those moments of peace. Work can so get away from us - I've been there many times myself. Keep repeating that mantra! Be happy, and all the best.

[Miss Cox]

Hi Lisa,

I found your post on happiness intriguing but also somewhat troubling.

In a recent conversation with a Chinese student studying here in the UK, I was challenged to question whether our Western quest for personal happiness has become too self centred and in fact unhelpful. This student was working on a course that did not make him happy, when I questioned why he did not simple change to a course that did, he explained that his happiness was not as important as keeping his home community together, honouring his parents and working towards what he knew would benefit others (he was studying medicine).

Also having skim read the National Geographic article on Bhutan, none of the four pillars of gross national happiness (sustainable development, environmental protection, cultural preservation, and good governance) in themselves produce personal happiness but rather work on the principle of what is good for the wider community.

So in a rather long winded way, I suppose I want to challenge your own mantra claiming that your life is ‘charmed’… certainly the gross national happiness of Bhutan does not rely on people convincing themselves of this but rather getting out and taking action to promote the well being of others.

Having joy and peace in life is certainly important, but loving the abundant life one has created oneself sounds like the epitome of selfishness to those of other cultures. Just a thought to ponder!

[Lisa Haneberg]

Miss Cox - You make an interesting point and it reinforces what I was trying to say.

In other words, in a word that IS so individual-centric and offer so much in the way of opportunity, it it interesting that many still don't choose to feel happy.