Is it humility or self doubt?

I found myself pondering the difference between humility and self-doubt this evening. To start this post and discussion, here are the definitions according to dictionary.com:

Humility: the quality or condition of being humble; modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance, rank, etc.

Self-doubt: lack of confidence in the reliability of one's own motives, personality, thought, etc.

When I was interviewing people for Hip and Sage, I talked with my friend and fellow author and blogger Dick Richards. I recall that he said that he felt that people who are sage are generally also humble - and that if he were judging sageness, he would look for humility.

And while we are at it, let's throw the word cocky into the mix:

Cocky: overly self-confident or self-assertive.

I was experiencing intermittent feelings of self-doubt and cockiness tonight - sometimes at the same time. And when I realized this, I reflected and shifted my thoughts to a more humble spot.

I think that BOTH self-doubt and cockiness come from a common place - insecurity. Humility, on the other hand, comes from being comfortable with who we are. And often - and this was true for me tonight - the insecurity is not logical.

Can we shift from self-doubt to humility? Yes, we can and quite quickly when we adopt a position of grace and joy and confidence in our skills, energy and intent. We live in a chaotic system (butterfly effect again) and we cannot predict the future. It would be time wasted to worry and second guess how others will respond to our work and overtures. But we can persevere, prepare and stay focused and in action. And when we do this we should feel comfortable with what comes from our work.

Many of our businesses reinforce self-doubt and cockiness and fail to cultivate humility. This is a shame and an area where I believe management development and management science can and should be improved. Why is it that our workplaces often leave us feeling insecure? Have we not yet jettisoned the outdated notions of management by coercion - or Pavlov's salivating dogs? Does it take humility to cultivate humility? Does business understand the value of humility? Is there a perception that insecure employees are easier to control?

Control is a farce - we know this deep down.

And I suppose that humility and insecurity are not mutually exclusive - we can be both humble and insecure. But for those situations where we show humility, I think there must be some level of comfort and security - or perhaps being gracious in the face of insecurity.

Some people are magnificent and flaunt it. Others are magnificent and humble. I know that I regard these two types of individuals differently, even if I admire all of them for their extraordinary skills or performance.

I think I will add to my list of 2009 resolutions - perhaps as a mantra more than a goal - to play at the top of my game with humility. This seems like a worthy endeavor.

Ah, human nature - so much daily-garden-variety neurosis to tend to, so little time. :-)

Comments

[Lech]

Great post!

I constantly catch myself wondering how to tell one from another. Which route is more probable / feasible - from cockiness to humility or self doubt to humility? What do you think? Is humility possible without experience (age)? Isn't self doubt a younger person's humility?

Interesting topic. Thanks for sharing!

[Lisa Haneberg]

Lech - Perhaps it is more common to see humility in older people but I think you see the same differences in kids. There are some amazing kids who are cocky, some amazing kids who suffer from self-doubt and some amazing kids who are humble. I think it goes back to whether we feel insecure. The competitive nature of school - grades, sports, popularity - manifests many of the same insecurities that we see in our workplaces.

When we can step outside ourselves and notice what's happening we can choose to adopt and live through the beliefs that will best support our goals and intentions.

[Mike King]

Intriguing topic but I don't think it is as fuzzy of a line as presented here.

I think there is a distinct difference between the two really. Humility is not something that just happens, you have to choose it and make it happen. Someone who is a master of some skill can be very humble about it, but it is a choice to do that. Someone who is doubtful does so naturally, they do not have the option to say either way because they only have the doubt.

A humble view at things should never be confused with self doubt. A humble person doesn't come across as non confident either, they just don't play up their own abilities, but it doesn't mean they don't express a belief to still accomplish things or have the capacity to get it done. They will attribute it to others or equal themselves with others in doing it, that is all.

[Lisa Haneberg]

Mike - thanks for your take on this. I agree that humble people can still be very goal oriented. I think we can step outside ourselves for a moment and notice our self-doubt and choose another way to be. And I think that we can feel bouts of confidence and self-doubt at the same time regarding the same situation.

[Dan Erwin, PhD]

Fascinating post. Humility seems to be more a non-business term, while vulnerability--which I think is essentially the same thing--is more readily expected. People that work with organizational clients are often trained in the language of vulnerability. It makes possible honesty, while also supporting or maintaining the client relationship.

[Dick Richards]

Well...since I have to take the blame (kidding of course) for spurring your thinking about humility and self-doubt, let me chime in.

Humility is a very rich concept for me, and I think of it in three ways: in relation to others, to myself, and to God. It sounds like you are writing about the second way--humility in relation to yourself. In my way of thinking, that kind of humility is the ability to make accurate self-appraisal, never exaggerating nor dismissing either our gifts or our shortcomings (I feel a long blog post of my own coming on).

So it seems to me that self-doubt is a failure of humility because it involves either a dismissal of gifts or an exaggeration of shortcominmgs. Yes?

[lisa haneberg]

Dan, you might be right that humility is not common business-speak. Of course, vulnerability is not too common either! :-)

Dick - the question that comes from your comment is about this notion of an accurate self-appraisal. I wonder if such a thing is even possible? If reality is socially constructed, then an accurate self-image is somewhat of a moving target and might depend on the situation and individuals involved. But I think you are right that humility means neither over nor under estimating our gifts and contributions. And humility, as related to others, is service oriented, even when we take the lead. I look forward to your aforementioned longer post!

[Dick Richards]

Lisa -- quite right--accurate self-appraisal is a moving target. But that is less a problem than the fact that it requires an assessment that is free of both ego and fear. Try THAT! Well...all we can do is the best we can do.

[Marianne Powers]

Great post and I love your closing line. That's funny!

[Lisa Haneberg]

No ego...no fear...what else is there? Most world class performance management systems would crumble without the fuels of ego and fear.

And it might be asking a lot of people - like suggesting they go to White Castle and order a salad instead of sliders. Or like suggesting people order decaf nonfat lattes. It's downright unAmerican. We bath in our fears and polish our skin with ego lotions.

Well, perhaps that's a bit over the top..:-)

[Kare Anderson]

One way you exhibit humility Lisa is how much you reach out to be inclusive, share credit, involve others - keeps your bucket full in dire times and builds trust
- , another fan of your spirit and imagination

[lisa haneberg]

Kare - thanks for that - you are right, when we can see what others bring to our lives it naturally has the effect of better or broader self-awareness. I thinks blogs are wonderful for cultivating an inclusivity that serves humility.